Keeping on top of the "Pandemic"

I mentioned on the First that my female Brittany, Josie had a Hysterectomy on Wednesday. She is doing very well, in fact much better than I would have thought. Of course, being a dog, she doesn't have to deal with the physiological damage of losing her ability to have children. This was the first time that I had ever left her in a Vets office, and I think she thought the worse was going to happen. I had never abandoned her before. She was torn between sulking and glad that I had rescued her. When we got home the first thing she did was to roll on the lawn.

Now lest you begin to believe that I am getting a little stir crazy sitting here all by myself, I am not. My problem is that this whole current episode is causing a "flashback" to my cop days when you develop a "gallows" type of humor to deal with the foolishness of the general population. Unfortunately its the "News" outlets that cause me the most problem.

 Now it appears after much pressure from the "Journalists",  we have decided that we need to wear a mask when we go out. Since I am too far from Portland  to be active in "Antifa",  masks are really hard to come by here. However having been a Boy Scout for a whole two weeks, ( Our "leader" decided we were too violent, and quit coming to the meetings.) I can make do. I am just having trouble figuring out which one is the best bet for me.

This is my portable one that folds up to a nice pocket size since the nearest human to me is 3 miles. I can probably get away with not wearing one till I am around humans.  I am sure this one will be a big hit for at least four or five of my friends.

This is the one that I favor, especially when going to the bank, or if we get our own Antifa branch here at Burns Junction.

April Fools Day, and everybody seem to be living up to the day.

Actually I had forgotten what day it was until one of my unsuccessful "lady friends" mentioned it to me. I had texted two of the ladies that I had met through various "dating sites", when I was still doing that, to make sure that they were OK. We had decided that we fit better as friends than lovers, but still liked each other enough that we still keep in touch. The excuse that both used was that I lived too remotely to be more than friends. At least that is what they told me, heck it could be true. One mentioned that I lived just east of Hell! Looks pretty good now don't it? Just joking, I love each of them for their own selves. Nice ladies! Both are doing fine, although one of them has resorted to doing spring cleaning, out of boredom and the "stay at home order". I have managed to avoid that so far. Like me, I am sure that most of you are reconnecting with old friends just to make sure that they are all right. I know I have had my share of emails and calls to see if I am still here.

I did have to go to Idaho yesterday to take the dogs to the vet. It seem that Josie, my little female Brittany's progesterone got out of whack after her last heat cycle, and required a hysterectomy. She had her operation today and I will get to pick her up tomorrow. She is doing fine so far.

I actually had enough food to last me for at least 6 months, other than butter, flour and sugar. I could have managed but with a few less luxuries, but since I was there I might as well get the few things that would help me maintain my winter profile. ( think  Alfred Hitchcock ) With a couple of hours to drive each way, and all the sights of "civilization" to inspire me, my thoughts began to stray to our predicament. Like Will Rogers, one has to only read the paper or keep your eyes open to find enough material for a comedy routine.  Besides some of you were wondering why I have been so quiet lately. The real answer is that the weather is too bad to do anything other than binge watch Myth Busters.

Of course the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks about this "pandemic" is the sudden urge to buy all the toilet paper in Costco and all the other stores in the "civilized world". Being out here in "East Hell", I buy a lot of stuff on Amazon. Now if they ever close that one, I will be in deep do do. I also buy my dog food from them. Saves me from paying 6 % Idaho sales tax, and it is convenient as all get out. I am on an "auto delivery" system that they have.

I had been having problems with Josie itching, and I decided it was the type of Dog Food that I had been using. I have always used Purina Dog food, but I think they have changed it.However the Purina Venison and Turkey solved the itch problem. When I checked Amazon all the Purina brands were "unavailable", and they informed me that they were not going to be able to send my next bag of it. This occurred at the same time that all the toilet paper disappeared off the shelves as well. I'm not saying that there is any correlation, but it looks suspicious to me.

On my way to Idaho, the roads were almost deserted except for the trucks. I saw very few cars. I brought along 7 gas cans to take advantage of the oil glut, so that I would at least be able to fly some this year. I have paid as much as 4.10 a gallon for 91 0ctane no ethanol in past years. It was about $3.00 this time.

I had a little time before my appointment, so I went to Costco to see what they had. They were only letting so many people in the store at one time, so I had to stand in line for a bit, but it wasn't all that long. Costco has caught up with most of the panic buying so they did have toilet paper. I passed it up once, ( I still have half a bag in the cool room ) but later decided that I should get it just in case there is another run (pun) on it. The only thing that I looked for that they didn't have was Bacon, regular Pepsi, and Honey Nut Cheerio's. My return trip back home was uneventful. The only thing playing on the radio was the "Daily briefing on the Corona Virus", thus leaving me lots of time to reflect on the vagaries of the human mind, and how we cope with times of troubles.

 I get email circulars from Costco regularly and I noticed the other day that they had a Bidet for sale at a quite reasonable price. Of course as a 75 year old man from the hills of W.Va, who had for many years used outhouses with sears and Roebuck catalogs along with the occasional corn cob for the tough jobs, I always considered that I was tough enough to wipe my own ass, without having to resort to "no sissy french contraption". Of course with the shortage of Toilet paper, I began to seriously reconsider my earlier thoughts on the matter. I even suggested to a friend of mine who "day trades" that he should consider buying some Bidet stock, just in case something serious should again raise its stinky head.

The more I thought about it the more reasonable it sounded. Heck it was only about $299.00. I had expected one of those thingy's to cost a lot more than that. So of course living way out in the boonies I hit "You Tube" to see what they were all about. Of course for 299.00, it wasn't the top of the line, there was one, not on sale, that appeared to be the "deluxe" butt washer, so I had to check and compare features.  The only problem that I could see to it was that the wash part took two minutes, and the blow dry cycle took five more, but then again what do I have to do, I'm retired. The only thing that really worried me was that I might like it too much.

 I currently have 26 videos covering bidet's, now on opening You Tube. Of course no one is watching to see where I go on the internet, is there?

So having actually bought an Amazon forest clearing brick of toilet paper,  (remember it wasn't that long ago some TV network was complaining about Costco being solely responsible for the loss of trees in the Amazon.) I really no longer needed a butt washer. With just me here and the occasional visit from Connie, I was good for at least a year or two. So now the Bidet had again gone from a good investment to a luxury. I was a bit saddened by my foolish purchase, but then it hit me. I could buy the top of the line Bidet and then sell my toilet paper on Ebay and have enough left over for a nubile cleaning lady to make a house call, or a vacation, failing that.

So keep your sense of humor and hang in there This too shall pass. Be careful while you are at it!