The world keeps turning, spring is coming!

I've had some inquiries as to how I am doing, so I guess its time to catch up a bit.

Its all a bit strange, but at the same time part of me is standing off to the side watching and marveling at how all this is unfolding, and the process of adaptation to a life without one of the main characters that was in it.

One of the discoveries that was revealed to me was " what do you say to someone who has had their life turned upside down". It has always been an area of severe discomfort to me to have to try to say something meaningful to someone who has lost their loved one. You feel so inadequate that I have on occasion avoided the situation entirely. Now having been on the pointed end of the stick, I was very aware of that discomfort in my friends in their effort to say something to me that would somehow make things better. Well of course there is nothing that anyone could possibly say that could ever bridge that gap. I was surprised was that my main emotion was to feel sorry for them and to want to alleviate that pain for them. So let me see if I can put to words what gave me the most comfort.

 All that is needed, is to say - "I am sorry for your loss". What meant the most to me was the love that those who knew her seemed to have for her. She touched far more lives than I ever thought. The thought that the ones who knew her were saddened by the fact that they  would never talk to her again, was very touching, and it was strangely just the right thing to say that gave me pride in how she had lived her life, and I felt gratitude for their friendship and regard for her. 

As I was preparing my breakfast this morning the Sun was beginning to make its presence known on the Eastern horizon. I stepped outside to wait for the shot to develop to its maximum beauty, I listened to the world wakening to another wonderful spring day. All the birds were sending their greeting to the new Sun. Doves were cooing, Mallards were squabbling down in the creek. Sand hill Cranes were ratcheting their calls to the new day. Geese were lifting off the water of the reservoir to begin the mornings feeding of Dave's pastures. Quail were advancing on my lawn, calling and talking to each other. The Coyotes were having their morning singalong. The world still turns, with or without us.

I made a trip to Klamath this last week. It was of course too short, I didn't get to visit all the people that I hold in regard, just too many and too little time. I went for several reasons, taxes, resupply of Quail for Hawk food, and to scatter some of Karen's ashes on our old pet graveyard at the house where we lived for 38 years. Our pets lives are so short compared to ours, so there were many dogs, cats and two horses that are interred there. Karen was quite attached to the stately Ponderosa Pines as well, so I thought that since she had loved the area so much that it was fitting to place part of her there where the wind soughing through the Pine could be heard.

I began looking for something to put some of her ashes in, rather than the ziplocks that first came to mind. I went to her side of the bed to look on her night stand to see if there was anything there that would work. I noticed a small tin can with a nice screw on lid that seemed to be the right size. I unscrewed the lid and there was her "gambling money", so I knew at that moment that I had found the perfect receptacle for her. Its very fitting as we leave parts of our lives scattered every where we go.

As for me, I am not finished with the world as yet. I will look for someone to share the remainder of my life. Karen was my world for 54 years. I shall never forget that or her, but that is gone now. Its time to try to find a reason to live, and if possible a new love.


 

March 6, Karen's Birthday

I bought my plane on Karen's birthday in 1997. I was 54 and right in the middle of "Manopause". This isn't the one where you get the night sweats, no its much worse. This is the one when a man realizes that nothing works anymore, you are well past the best you could ever be, and the general time of life when a man either gets a girl friend, and eventually a divorce or they start molesting kids. Neither had any draw for me. I started thinking about what I would regret the most when I was sitting in my rocker at the old welders home, drooling down my chin and flashing the nurses.

There were only two regrets that I could think of, since I had done just about every thing else that I wanted. One was to learn to fly, the other entailed an act best kept secret involving Sofia Loren. Flying seemed the most likely to succeed.

So I began to look around and found just what I needed, A Kolb Firestar II. I assure you it was a coincidence of the utmost surprise to find that I had bought it on Karen's birthday, but all in all I considered it a fair trade, since she neither had to bail me out of jail or share me with a mistress.

I haven't flown since early October of last year, and the weather has been so shitty that flying was out of the question. Today, her birthday, however was cool but with no wind. First time in almost two months. As you can imagine I have been rattling around this place like a rock in a tin can, with lots of time and nothing much I am interested in doing.

I was out in the shop repairing the shroud on a carpet cleaner, when I decided to burn some of the boxes that I have been accumulating. I opened the hangar doors and was surprised to see that it was still nice. So I pulled the plane out thinking that I would just fire it up and get it warmed up a bit. One thing lead to another and the first thing you know I was getting dressed to fly.

I did a bunch of touch and goes until I was sure that the engine was going to keep running and I got a bit better, so I went over to the ranch and eventually landed in front of their house. Listen closely to Elsie when she comes to the plane.

https://vimeo.com/258896917    There is no password required for this one. 

Up date

Time of course moves on and hopefully I can as well. It has occurred to me that you may be wondering how I am adapting. Of course it is one day at a time. I have been fortunate to have a surprising number of friends that have given me more support than I could ever have imagined. I don't believe that I have had an entire day without someone calling. I can't tell you how much that has meant to me. I have come to understand that Karen and I were truly blessed to have known so many wonderful people.

In Karen's later years, her "pack Rat" tendencies, so prevalent in the rest of her maternal family, began to show its self. I have been cleaning, giving and in some cases trashing some of the things that she had gathered over the years. A good friend of ours came down yesterday to help me sort through her stuff. We spent most of yesterday and last night sorting and cleaning our closet in the master bedroom. I used 55 gallon plastic bags to put it in so that Pat could take it to the Thrift store in Burns. One bag only was delegated to shoes, the rest to her clothes.

We had to give up because she ran out of space in her truck. She has promised to come down next month to help with the other bedroom. Karen was fond of the "Shrink Storage Bags", The theory of course was Summer and winter clothes to be alternated. I don't think it ended up that way. I had been down to about 3 different "town shirts", I couldn't find the others that I knew we had, until yesterday that is. I not only ended up with closet space, I even have things to put in it. I sit here typing this and laughing at the things that we do without realizing it.  Much of it was a walk down memory lane. I had often threatened her by telling her that some day when she went some where, I was going to bring in a truck and empty the place out.

The national organization for falconry is the Peregrine Fund, located near Boise Idaho. They have a "Wall of Remembrance" for falconers that have passed on. Most if not all had some part in the furtherance of the sport of falconry, either on the National or State level.

The Oregon falconers Association took only two weeks to raise the $1000. to install Karen's plaque on April 7th. The blog entry in front of this one is the letter that I wrote to go into the Book of remembrance, while the plaque will go on the wall. Below is a short video one of those ceremonies.

https://vimeo.com/121603327      password     owyheeflyer

Sometimes it takes some scrambling to raise that much money, but it took no time at all to find the money for her. I offered to make up the difference if they had trouble, but was told to not worry about it. I am so proud of her.

We will have a little get together this year at the fly-in here at the house, and at the completion I will scatter her ashes here at the house. We have hosted one here for the last 12 years. I will also invite falconers as well as pilots. This will take place on Sept 8th, 2018. There is plenty of camping space, so mark it on your calendar. :-) 

Karen R Cottrell

Karen R Cottrell

I first met Karen Rose McAfee in the spring of 1964. She was staying with her sister in California to help with a yet unborn child. I, Larry Cottrell, was visiting with my sister who lived on the same street. We were both 19 years old. She had suffered a nose bleed and she and her sister came to my sisters house for assistance.

Our first date was to try to find a Apricot colored Mouse that I intended to use to catch a nearby Kestrel. It was obvious to me that she was a bit different from most girls as she was interested and anxious to participate in such an adventure.

I was able to eventually get my first Kestrel and Karen was an active participant in her training. It wasn't long before she also wanted to work with Raptors, and I was hopelessly in love with her.

We married in January of 1965, and shortly there after moved to Oregon. She followed me to Alaska, and North Carolina, after I had joined the Army. After my hitch was completed, we again moved to Oregon.

After our return to Oregon, we both got serious about falconry, and continued our self education of the practice. At the time there was no recognized falconry in Oregon. Raptors were held with a "holding permit" costing $1.00. That didn't last long as there were more and more people interested in the sport. Eventually ODFW decided that hunting with hawks was illegal.

A group of interested falconers met in Eugene to see if we could get the state to allow falconry. We elected a President, Ben Elliot, and he and his wife managed to get the legislature to agree to allow falconry if we would pay our own way in the administrative costs. The legislature set a price of either $125.00 or $150.00. per year. We paid it, and thus began the slow fight to get better regulations.

I became the next President, and it was my job to make the regulations, reasonable. While I appeared as the figurehead, Karen's job was just as important as was mine. She worked tirelessly to help me with the endless letters, presentations, and meetings in which she played her part with the officials that were impressed just because she also was a falconer. At that time there were very few women that were capable falconers. Words cannot possibly convey the things that she did for Oregon Falconry, that would have been so much more difficult without her.

As time went on, and regulations improved, club membership began to increase. Karen was a bit of a role model for young women that also wanted to be falconers. She served as President, Secretary, Treasurer as well as regional director for Oregon Falconers Association. She hosted many meets, feeding hungry falconers as well as hawking herself. She flew Accipiters, Harris Hawks, Prairies, Hybrids and Peregrines. I think her most valued moment of recognition, was her "Honorary" membership in Washington's "No Mercy Hawking Club".

In the last few years her heart began to wear out. She could no longer make the physical effort required for falconry. She compensated by driving along as I hunted my Harris. It wasn't much, but she was out there doing the best she could. She agreed to a heart valve replacement, the second, in the hopes that she would again have the stamina to go hawking. Unfortunately it did not work out. Her heart failed Jan 31, 2018.

Jessie and Hope

Each year almost without fail the weather here does a 180 and gets "springy". The high today was 63 degrees. It was of course tempered by the wind at about 12 MPH, but still nice enough to do some things that needed my attention. Of course something to occupy my mind is not a bad thing either.

The well water here is high in calcium, and it does not take long to collect on anything that it touches. My hot tub is equipped with a small circulating pump, and when the calcium builds up to the point of unbalancing the impeller it shuts off the entire hot tub. I had cleaned it in early Nov. and it began to malfunction probably on the same day that Karen passed away.

I also wanted to move the raptors around and come up with a better system for their own piece of mind. I don't like to force them to sit on one boring perch all the time. It seems unfair to me. My thought was to put Jessie out in the mews, with a enclosed area that she could sit out in the sun and see a lot more than her normal perch in the weathering area. The weather had warmed to the point that I am not concerned about what the weather will do from here on out. I also intended to turn the weathering area into an out side flight pen for the Harris.

My only concern with Jessie was if she was smart enough to not bash herself on the chain link that forms her outside perch. I did not need to worry. She is quite sensible. She sat in the window to the outside for a full day, and of course went back in at night. Then today she was sitting on the outside perch. I went to see her, and at first she postered as if she was agressive. Then she began to ry to seduce me. She was bowing and postering like crazy so we chupped back anf forth for a bit. She is happy and comfortable. The last time I molted her out there she laid 25 eggs before I could get her to quit. She should be running out sometime soon.

Since this is the desert, tree limbs for perches are a bit scarce. The was a big pile of tree limbs over at the ranch, so the dogs and I went scrounging. I put three high perches in the weathering area and turned Hope loose.

The first thing she did was to hit the bath pan, and take a leisurely bath. Then she sat on Jess's tire, on the ground? Go figure. On well, she's happy. I was a bit surprised that she chose flat perches to sit on, such as Jessie's wall perch in the background. I just checked her and she is now up against the wall on the partition perch.

After many malfunctions concerning water hoses to power the pressure washer, that I use to blow calcium deposits off the impeller, I was able to simultaneously take a bath and clean the parts to the hot tub.

To all of Karen's friends

I cannot adequately put to words the gratitude that I feel for all the kindness that Karen's passing has generated among the people that touched our lives. You, that have commented, and contacted me personally to express their sorrow at her passing, has been overwhelming to say the least.

Having been on the other end of an event such as this, where you feel like a bumbling idiot worrying what you can do to ease the loss of one so loved. I can tell you from recent experience that there are no wrong words. Merely the act of expressing your sorrow is all that is needed. Flowery words cannot say more than "I am sorry!" The fact that she meant so much to the people that she touched makes my wounded heart swell with pride. Of course a lot of people were concerned as to how I would handle her loss. I would like to set your mind at ease, and give you my perspective.

I not only loved this woman, I liked her as a person as well. Until she became so enfeebled that she had trouble doing anything much more than walking the length of the house, we did every thing together. She was my best friend! I preferred her company to all others, but she was kind and accepting enough that she allowed others in our lives as well. Now lest I confuse you she was not always an angel in real life, she was human after all. Just most of the time. Now she can be one all the time.

I think lots of our friends knowing how much we were together were a bit concerned that my loss and sadness would over whelm me. I will admit that I slept little the first night, and I didn't eat for two days. We both felt that this operation could be terminal, and I suppose that in some ways it sort of prepared me for the outcome that has become reality. She didn't want to be house bound and decided to try it. Well my worst fears have become reality.

I feel very sad, and being here without her will take a serious amount of getting used to, but I will. I am not done yet! I do not feel cheated, although I do feel that it could have been prevented and did not have to happen. When I think of our lives together, I only feel gratitude that I had her for as long as I did.

Thank all of you, that have expressed sympathy at the loss that you felt at her passing. Each and every one of you contributed to her happiness, and my undying gratitude. The contact with you enriched her life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Karen R Cottrell March 6, 1944 - Jan 31, 2018

Karen's heart stopped this morning at 8:30 AM. 

Its been a good run and a good life for the both of us. Our 53rd anniversary was the 9th of January.

At the time we met, I was looking for a girl "Like my Mom". That's not to say that I wanted someone to take care of me, I wanted one that could be a friend, confidant, and a partner in life. Karen fit that description to a tee. She was a willing participant in anything that I could think up. She wasn't squeamish, liked hunting, and most important was that for some reason, she liked me.

When I asked her to marry me, she told me that she had heart problems from birth and most likely was at risk because of it. I gave it some thought and decided that however long it would last, it would be worth it. We have lived here in the desert, in a house that she picked out, in an area that we both loved, and it has been absolutely great. The last words that we spoke were " I love you"!

Karen had her Mytral valve replaced 20 years ago in Klamath Falls. It was replaced with a mechanical valve rather than a Pig valve because the pig valve would not last as long as they felt she would then be able to live. Her heart valves were deformed from birth. They did not replace the Aortic valve because they apparently did not have the tech at that time. All of the problems that were caused by the faulty valve gave her congestive heart failure. It finally got bad enough that she decided to get the other valve replaced. They did so on the 16th of January. She insisted on doing it after our anniversary. 

She will be cremated soon and eventually I will scatter her ashes her on the place that she loved. There will be no formal service.

For those that knew and loved her, I thank you for being in her life. It was much richer because of you.