On Line dating, or the search for the elusive new partner! Rated risque.

I been a bit quiet for several reasons. One, I am doing very little because of the time of the year, and two because I have been busy trying to find someone who could possibly live with me, and of course dodging scammers. Spring is coming however, the weeds have really greened up over here.

 I have heard all my life from my female acquaintances about how unscrupulous some men are, and how men treat them as "meat" or prey. I of course have at first hand noticed how unwilling most women are to share the bounty that nature has bestowed upon them, being occasionally a bit unscrupulous myself. Prior of course to meeting Karen. Ahem! At this point I am beginning to resemble the Gazelle surrounded by hungry lionesses. I feel your pain ladies.

As I mentioned this post is likely to touch on subjects best not discussed if you still live with your mother, So Barbara if you are reading this- quit!

A bit about myself before I get too far. I am secure enough in my own mind that I don't have a problem sometimes looking foolish. We all are, on occasion. The difference is that I don't mind exposing my failings all that much, if fact I find them pretty funny. I can still out do and whip most of you so its just not that hard on me to be honest and see the humor in  my failings. If my honesty can lead others to see some of themselves in my "comedy" then good! If not, that's your problem.

Probably other than the obvious fact that I am 74, (an age when most sensible men are sitting in their rocker watching sit coms.) live in the most remote part of Oregon, and have a house that will go to a reverse mortgage company when I die. This might have a bit to do with my success rate, maybe not. The rest of my problem is the plane that I have. My plane, Dart, is a one and half seater. As such I can only carry a passenger that weighs less than 150 lbs. Have you any idea how scarce 150 pound women are of my age group? I have about decided that I need to start a "go fund me" page to enable me to buy a bigger plane so that I can branch out on my search.

Now most of you know that I have been seeing Connie most of this last year. She is a lot of fun and I would take her in a minute if she would have me, but I am not enough for Connie. She still has a bit of "fiddle foot" in her make up and besides, she doesn't want to live here. Her year is already planned, and if you are in Glacier Park and later  Grand Canyon, this year you may see her.

So my only recourse is to try another online dating site. I've been through Match, and two sessions of Farmers only. I did meet one nice lady on Match, but she didn't want to live here either. I met Connie on Farmers and she has been a godsend, but alas, considering Connie's plans, I still am looking. I met another gal on Farmers, after Connie and I began to see each other, that quite frankly seemed to be too good to be true. She was gorgeous, and professed to be madly in love with me. At about the same time there was another gal in her fifties of all things, whose idea seemed to be that a 74 year old couldn't last all that long and when I died she would own her very own Stud ranch for her 7 horses. She called me on the home phone and was pretty bossy, and actually so down right scary that I hung up on her. You might say that I was rude.  Her main problem was that I knew Connie. I did let her call me right back and  let her call me the last expletive however. Whew, that one wore me out.

I met another, that to this day I cannot say if she-he was scamming me or not. Either she is real, or a damn egotistical ass that cannot believe that ?he? cannot convince an old dottering fool to part with his "life savings". I was suspicious from the vary start, because she fell all over me, and she said just the vary words that I wanted to hear. This went on for quite a long time. She was an interior decorator that worked out of her home, a widow. She had a big contract coming that would allow her to do as she wished, was willing to move, every thing I wanted to hear. Then all of a sudden her accounts were hacked and bank account emptied, she was in the middle of full filling a contract that she had already been paid for, could I send her some money. I was sad, but I had been expecting it. So I decided to see how it was going to turn out, I was a bit bored any way, so I explained to her that I would not send money to someone that I had never met. Of course that was "terrible" how could I not trust her enough to give her money. I expected her to move on, but in a few days she contacted me again.

One of the "interesting facts" besides the fact that she was a mute but could hear, (that way I couldn't talk to her )  was that her phone's camera didn't work. She could however still text. She had all kinds of pictures of a very luscious ( Dottering fool talk for beautiful senior citizen) woman. Those however were pictures on her tablet. She never explained whether or not her tablet had a phone, but any way, gobs of great pictures, and she would have fit into my plane!

So for a while the talk on text were consistent with nagging, and the ones through email were flowery and sometimes suggestive. Now I have long ago learned my lesson, and I avoided any mention of a sexual nature. Then after a while, she gets almost done, but has one more expense to finish and is willing to settle for 5 K.  Part of that is to be the ticket that will bring her into my arms. She is in Georgia, so I ask her the address where she is working. Another blow up about how I don't trust her. Hell I don't trust my brother, and I have known him for a lot longer than her.

I have nothing better to do than have all this crap running circles in my head, and I began to rationalize, that maybe she is real, so I send her another text. I had been asking her to supply me with a picture that would verify that it was current. Pissed again, "don't trust her"!

 So during this time I try "Ourtime", and on the first day I get four women in their late 60's and early 70's that would make any woman of that age green with envy, and they all love my profile and are willing to relocate and think that I am so very hansom. They will each fit in the plane as well.  Now, I have a mirror and I have to look in it when I shave. I have never seen this fella that they are talking about.

Each and every one of them loves the outdoors and likes to cuddle! Damn, how could one guy be so lucky? At least two of them are interior decorators that work out of their home and I don't think either one of their phones do any thing more than text. Hummmmmmmmm!

This was on March 31st that I signed up, and one of them has already asked me for money to fulfill their pending contract that they ran out of funds for. I'm wondering if she might be a relative of the first gal, maybe they could pool their efforts and be more effective? She had sent me a page of 30 questions to get to know me better. I of course answered it.

So today another one of them sent me a page of 30 questions for me to answer so she could get to know me better, Strangely enough her answers were the same as the first gal. So I just copied and pasted the first ones email to her with the questions that I had answered. She? is probably mad at me!

So in the mean time the original gal and I began "talking" again, and this time she had gotten her contract for well over 3 M, and she was so happy. This time in her happiness that we were back together again she was a bit risque in her texts, and of course the pictures in my head were the stuff of fevered hormonal teenage dreams, but way back in my head was this little guy of reality, going but,but,but, wait! Is there really any woman that wants to do that to you? Has there ever been? Can't remember if there was. Almost to the last I have never known a woman like that. I have been around a while, odds are that it would have happened at least once during all that time.

Anyway I began to believe her again. With reservations, but it was possible that she was real and I would have to apologize for not believing. She in the mean time in coming back home had gotten her daughter to take some pictures of her to send to me to prove that she was real. I ask her for one with a calendar so that I could tell that it was current, but I didn't want her to smile in it. After quite a while I got the picture, but with the same radiant smile. She explained that she smiled because it wouldn't be "photogenic" to not smile. The date from the camera was about three days off, but plausible. Then the next day I got another picture with her holding a sheet of paper with the words "Trust me Larry" the page was a bit close so I couldn't really tell if it was real or not, but it was very plausible. Then it turns out that they are going to inspect her warehouse and some of her machines were faulty and she needed 3,500 before the fifth to fix them. Imagine that! So here we go again. In a stroke of ?brilliance? I told her that all of her pictures were of her radiant smile and this time I wanted her to take a picture with no smile and one breast exposed (see Barbara, I told you to not read this.) I figured that if she was indeed real and could manufacture a picture like that immediately she could actually be real and I would send her the money. Well she was of course outraged, and said, she didn't do nudity. I told her it wasn't nudity and after what she promised to do every morning, it didn't seem like such a big deal. She of course refused, said I was mean. I told her good bye and blocked her, or who ever she is.

So the moral of all this guy's, is that you should get down on your knees and thank the good lord that you have a woman that will tolerate your worthless ass. Cherish her and take care of her. You do not know the blessing that you have.

If any of you happen to have some spare change  to go towards a two seat airplane, I could lower my sights to a bit more realistic type of woman.

The circus continues!