As you might have noticed my posts have dwindled to nothing in the last few years. Primarily because I have had little to nothing that was worthy of my time to write and yours to read. I admit that it has caused quite a bit of reflection and query on my part. While I like to "give my opinion" when given the chance, I rightly decided that the value of that exercise had dwindled to an end. It has caused me some consternation as I imagine it has of all that found themselves old quite suddenly. This is my attempt to put to words what and why was the cause and effects, of it.
I am well aware that some may consider this to be whining and all I really needed to do is "get off my ass, and get with the project." I assure you its not that simple. It has been a cascade of unrelated events that has brought me to the realization - that I have grown old. Now that I finally understand it, I am a bit more accepting of the situation.
The first step began with my decision to get my left knee replaced "before I got too old". It took a lot longer to talk the VA into doing the surgery than it should have. Then it took 11 months to recover enough that I could walk without concern. They did a good job and I now have about 800 miles on that leg.
One of the reasons that I chose that time was that the Jack Rabbits that I depended on to hunt with my Hawk, had crashed. So missing a fall season was no big deal. That condition has persisted for 8 years. There still aren't any Jacks here. So instead of out every other day walking anywhere from 2 to 4 miles in the Sage, I am sitting on my ass, and learning to like it.
Another detriment to my physical conditioning is what is called a frozen shoulder, which eventually resulted in one of the attach points of my bicep disconnecting from the elbow. Allowing the bicep to bunch up. That has occurred to both arm's, eliminating my ability to do any weight training, thus limiting my ability to maintain any conditioning that is so precious at any age. This covers the physical causes.
Suddenly last year I no longer had any desire to fly my plane! I would make plans to fly the next day, yet go outside in the morning, stick my finger up in the air and decide that it was too windy. I could not understand or explain. I just didn't want to roll the plane out. After coming out here to the Rock House, I have flown that plane into places that if a glitch had occurred I would have never been able to get out, without even a bit of hesitation. Now the slightest breeze was too big of a risk. I once flew from Deming, New Mexico to Truth or Consequences at 35 miles per hour. I landed across the runway without getting off the pavement. Now a breeze that doesn't even register, stops me. It just wasn't fun anymore. The one thing that got me through "Man o Pause", no longer interested me.
At the age of 18 I had been selected to attend Helicopter training at Fort Rucker Alabama. My father had requested that I get on with growing up- somewhere else. The army drug their feet and I felt enough pressure that I told them to either take me or forget about it. Of course they didn't care. I instead went to Michigan with an older brother. Over the years that missed opportunity haunted me. It took me till I was 56 years old before I got to learn to fly. Now I could give a shit less?? It didn't make sense.
Yesterday I watched a You Tube vid that told about the 5 or 6 things that happened when one reached 80 . There was a lot that applied to me. It was mostly an attitude change.
In my early 70's I basically dropped out of the one thing that had been my passion. I stopped interacting with the Falconry community. Since 1978 I devoted myself to the legalization of falconry. I surrounded myself with other falconers as devoted to the cause as I was. Lots of trips to Portland to testify to the wildlife board. With a lot of friends and hard work we prevailed. Then sometime in my 70's I decided that it was time for me to step back. I was content to do so.
Then one by one all of the people that had formed what was my life died. Very few of the old guard survived. I no longer knew any of the next generation. All of my family died as well. I am now the only member of what was my family, still alive! The phone doesn't ring anymore. The people that I valued are gone. I felt lost and alone for most of a year. I have acclimated since. I am still alone, but it now doesn't matter that much. I have my childhood sweetheart and she is enough!
So now because I am afraid to stress my arms that much, the left one cramps if I put too much strain on it. My exercise program is on hold. I am left with walking the runway when the weather allows, a few squats, but that is not enough. At 81 I can lose more condition than I can build up! The cruelest blow is the lack of game. I am afraid to kill a Jack Rabbit since the death of even one rabbit could slow the recovery even longer. Even I cannot force my self to walk over hill and dale without a hawk on my fist.
While even to me this sounds a bit like whining, the betrayal that cuts the most is the continuing loss and refusal of the Rabbit population to recover. I find that quite amusing actually.
I am doing what I can to at least adjust to advancing age and eventual loss of being able to live this far from "civilization". To say the least Social Services are non-existent here. To counter I have purchased a Tesla model Y. Basically a computerized car. The biggest boon to that is that the car style may be outdated, but not the function. Every time there is an update or improvement to Tesla's, mine gets the update as well. Full self driving is the feature that I want and will need. As of now, I can get in the car, tell the AI feature (Groc) to take me to Safeway in Burns Oregon, and it will do so, parking in front of the store. Likewise anywhere at all. Hospital visits for Brenda and I are a piece of cake. In other words as long as I can remember where I want to go, this car will take me and bring me home.
I have a charger in my garage, and there are now enough commercial chargers that I can go where ever I want. I now have 15,000 mile on the car for a cost of 922.00 a savings of more than$1500. Where the car really shines is in high traffic areas, and freeways. With 6 cameras its awareness is far superior to mine.
It is my intention to keep on keeping on as long as I can, and however I can, but it gets easier to sit every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment